Faith and Doubt

If you haven’t read John Ortberg, you should. His books are full of life teachings in the context of the bible, great philosophers and theologians alike. His current book, Faith and Doubt “takes an honest look at the misgivings and uncertainties that often obscure our view of God”.

This blog is not about religion or God yet my running life is somewhat governed by faith and doubt. John Ortberg asks, “What if the most important word is the one in the middle?” He argues that the very nature of faith requires the presence of uncertainty and doubt could actually strengthen our relationship with God.

So, you may be asking yourself what this has to do with running. I have wondered over the last 10 years why I have been so attracted to the marathon and beyond distance. Why have I run 43 marathons and ultras since 2001? Why have I run 4 marathons in the first 6 weeks of 2009? Why have I registered for 24 hour run in July? While reading his book, it has dawned on me - Faith and Doubt.

To run so many marathons and ultras (better known to me as “multras”), you need faith in yourself, others and in God. You not only need faith while running but while training and while recovering - allowing your body to be torn down and subsequently built up before it is ultimately destroyed by the multra. God was the chief architect of our bodies and gave it the ability to continuously get stronger through training and recovery. You toe the starting line with faith, peace and presence. Look around you and see the joy and anxious energy of others all permeating through faith. I say one last prayer of peace to allow the energy to leave my body for those in need. I must exhaust it all. There is no reason to leave any behind. It must be left on the course and transcend to others.

However, the beauty of the multra is in its doubt and uncertainty. For most distances up through the marathon, not finishing doesn’t enter the mind. But in a marathon or ultra, because of the distance, being beyond what the mind and body was designed for, uncertainty and doubt is very real. If it was a certainty, you would no longer need faith. I don’t need faith to run a 5K. I need faith to run a marathon or a 50 miler or for 24 hours. Even elite runners need the same faith and generally thank God after their runs. This uncertainty and doubt keeps me running marathon after marathon – the doubt of finishing, the uncertainty of time, the doubt of my physical being, the struggle with my thoughts. Faith must win out and it is much better to live with faith than doubt. It is much stronger and just generally a better way to live – a better way to run. Maybe through my faith is why I have finished every marathon that I have started. Maybe through faith is why I just ran under 4 hours (3:57) again for the first time in 18 months and in my 4th marathon in 6 weeks. Maybe through faith is why I am still alive. In the worst economic times of our lifetime, maybe we need faith.

I will continue to stretch my faith AND doubt with running the most multras I have ever run in one year. That faith will benefit others as well as my running this year is dedicated to charitable causes for each step I move forward a donation will be made.

Faith and Doubt – Faith is a footbridge that you don’t know will hold you up over the chasm until you are forced to walk out onto it. – Nicholas Wolterstorff

…and John 20:27

Then He said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."

The Price You Pay

You make up your mind, you choose the chance you take

You “run” to where the highway ends and the desert breaks

Out on to an open road you “run” until the day

You learn to sleep at night with the price you pay

It has been a month and three marathons later since I have written. The chance I took was to run 3 marathons in 22 days – so trivial. There isn’t much chance in running, not like in life itself. The only chance I was taking in running 3 marathons in 22 days was basically not finishing one of them although 26.2 miles isn’t that far and can be walked by nearly anyone. Of course, there is a price to pay when maximizing your effort usually through mental and physical pain. I could certainly die running but then again I have more of a chance dying in a car accident than running 26.2 miles. So, where really is the chance? Chance in life is much different because the price you pay affects everyone around you. So, for us hardcore runners, do we run so that we can sleep at night with the chances taken – the price to be paid? Were the hills of Mississippi, the desert of Arizona and the jagged coastal beaches of California a metaphor for the twists and turns, ups and downs that life bestows upon us? Will God ever help with the price you pay?

Now with their hands held high, they reached out for the open skies

And in one last breath they built the roads they'd “run” to their death

”Running” on through the night, unable to break away

From the restless pull of the price you pay

In three marathons, I ran with nearly 35,000 other people. They all reached for something more. They let he sky be the limit. Did they find what they were looking for? Were they able to break away? Did they find life or did they run to their death? Are they still paying the price? My guess is that all of these runners are better off for their effort.

Oh, the price you pay, oh, the price you pay

Now you can't “run” away from the price you pay

No matter how many marathons there are, ultras of 50 miles, 100 miles, you can’t run away from the price you pay. Does it mean that you should stop? When you run, you sometimes know what you are running from but you never know what you are running to – who the person is when you get there. But, there is still a price to pay.

Now they'd come so far and they'd waited so long

Just to end up caught in a dream where everything goes wrong

Where the dark of night holds back the light of the day

And you've gotta stand and fight for the price you pay

As in the marathon, like life, you never know when it will go wrong. The clouds will darken and the light of day will shorten until it disappears like the miles behind. But everyone keeps moving forward and fights gallantly for the price you pay to get to the finish just to start again.

Oh, the price you pay, oh, the price you pay

Now you can't “run” away from the price you pay

Do you remember the story of the promised land

How he crossed the desert sands

And could not enter the chosen land

On the banks of the river he stayed

To face the price you pay

The Promised Land lies ahead of you with every step and every mile across the desert, along the coast, up and down the hills of life. The chosen land can be entered whenever you would like if you face the price you pay. You don’t have to stay on the banks of the river. Getting to the other side comes with a price. The Promised Land is waiting.

So let the “race” start, you better run you little wild heart

You can run through all the nights and all the days

But just across the county line, a stranger passing through put up a sign

That counts the men fallen away to the price you pay, and before the end of the day,

I'm gonna tear it down and throw it away

The starting line is where it begins, the journey to the far reaches of life, never stopping and always moving forward – running wild with heart. You will see others falter and fall away to the price you pay. Before it’s over, don’t let anyone bring you down with them. Run your own race, throw away the sign and finish life, find the joy and finish the distance with the price you pay.

Now some say forget the past, and some say don't look back
But for every breath you take well buddy you leave a track

Learn from the past, from the last mile ran or the last breath we just taken. The track is treacherous and not looking back makes looking forward a more difficult journey. The price you pay is by not looking backward. The price you pay is by not looking forward. The price you pay.