Faith and Doubt

If you haven’t read John Ortberg, you should. His books are full of life teachings in the context of the bible, great philosophers and theologians alike. His current book, Faith and Doubt “takes an honest look at the misgivings and uncertainties that often obscure our view of God”.

This blog is not about religion or God yet my running life is somewhat governed by faith and doubt. John Ortberg asks, “What if the most important word is the one in the middle?” He argues that the very nature of faith requires the presence of uncertainty and doubt could actually strengthen our relationship with God.

So, you may be asking yourself what this has to do with running. I have wondered over the last 10 years why I have been so attracted to the marathon and beyond distance. Why have I run 43 marathons and ultras since 2001? Why have I run 4 marathons in the first 6 weeks of 2009? Why have I registered for 24 hour run in July? While reading his book, it has dawned on me - Faith and Doubt.

To run so many marathons and ultras (better known to me as “multras”), you need faith in yourself, others and in God. You not only need faith while running but while training and while recovering - allowing your body to be torn down and subsequently built up before it is ultimately destroyed by the multra. God was the chief architect of our bodies and gave it the ability to continuously get stronger through training and recovery. You toe the starting line with faith, peace and presence. Look around you and see the joy and anxious energy of others all permeating through faith. I say one last prayer of peace to allow the energy to leave my body for those in need. I must exhaust it all. There is no reason to leave any behind. It must be left on the course and transcend to others.

However, the beauty of the multra is in its doubt and uncertainty. For most distances up through the marathon, not finishing doesn’t enter the mind. But in a marathon or ultra, because of the distance, being beyond what the mind and body was designed for, uncertainty and doubt is very real. If it was a certainty, you would no longer need faith. I don’t need faith to run a 5K. I need faith to run a marathon or a 50 miler or for 24 hours. Even elite runners need the same faith and generally thank God after their runs. This uncertainty and doubt keeps me running marathon after marathon – the doubt of finishing, the uncertainty of time, the doubt of my physical being, the struggle with my thoughts. Faith must win out and it is much better to live with faith than doubt. It is much stronger and just generally a better way to live – a better way to run. Maybe through my faith is why I have finished every marathon that I have started. Maybe through faith is why I just ran under 4 hours (3:57) again for the first time in 18 months and in my 4th marathon in 6 weeks. Maybe through faith is why I am still alive. In the worst economic times of our lifetime, maybe we need faith.

I will continue to stretch my faith AND doubt with running the most multras I have ever run in one year. That faith will benefit others as well as my running this year is dedicated to charitable causes for each step I move forward a donation will be made.

Faith and Doubt – Faith is a footbridge that you don’t know will hold you up over the chasm until you are forced to walk out onto it. – Nicholas Wolterstorff

…and John 20:27

Then He said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."