Who You'd Be Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone
It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
The death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Who You'd Be Today - Kenny Chesney

For those who knew Ryan Shay (and I was not one of them except knowing him through running magazines), these words will have a piercing impact on them. For any of us who have lost people to death too early in our or their lives, these words will have an imprint on our hearts or others who were not even given the opportunities at life we sometimes wonder. Ryan Shay died doing what he loved, running. He was not out for a casual easy run. He was running the Olympic marathon trials for a place on the U.S. team in Beijing, something he had dreamed of and trained for all his life. God took him too early but in doing so, you might just see an American winner in Beijing at the marathon distance in 2008. Ryan will be with the U.S. Olympic hopefuls through their training and their gold medal run. To all of Ryan's family, friends and new wife Alicia, the running community's deepest sympathy is offered to you all.

There are few deaths in running events. Recently there have been two; in the Chicago marathon and the Olympic trials. Although Ryan was well-known, both made headlines. I can't tell you the name of the man who died in Chicago but I do know that the same words apply for those who knew and loved him. I also also pray to God that when He believes that my race has ended, that I am taken while running expending the energy of the body and mind, transferring energy to those who need it more, to have those born who may not be otherwise. I also pray that I get to cross the finish line so I can proclaim as Jesus did, "It is Finished" (John 19:30) as His last words on the cross. It should be up to God to know when "It is Finished" and up to God through Jesus to guide us to the finish line. Don't let people wonder who you'd be today, show them today who you are because, unlike the running race, we never know how close the finish line is.

Beauty of the Cape...

There is no better way to see the beauty of Cape Cod than running 26.2 miles around it. The views of Nantucket sound were eye candy and worth the price of admission. This is the Norbsk Lighthouse around mile 22. This picture was taken just about 15 minutes after sunrise the day after the marathon.









It looks like I am the only runner in the marathon but there were over 1000 marathoners and another 190 relay runners on a rolling course throughout Falmouth.





Another view of the Norbsk Lighthouse the day before the marathon. It was an overcast misty day but is shown in whole other essence.

Alter and the Door

Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong way traveling, slowly unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart
Lord, this time I'll make it right
Here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done
My heart is broken...

Casting Crowns

As I sit here awaiting the start of the Cape Cod Marathon, less than an hour away, I ponder the music that randomly selects itself from my ipod. Today, I will not take any music with me for the 42 Kilometers. The course is quite beautiful and I don't want to spoil the meditative state of the journey. I drove the course yesterday traversing a rolling, hilly course that was formed 11,000 years ago by a glacier. Some of the hills are results of that glacial activity. There is also 5 miles worth of beautiful seashore running past the Norbsk lighthouse along side the Nantucket sound. Sitting at the seashore yesterday let me ponder how fragile life is yet how God has formed a plan for it all. The weather is perfect with temperatures in the 50's and gloriously sunny day. I hope to enjoy the journey as I watch my clock to make sure I am running slow enough to enjoy the day. Yet, I need to feel the exertion and the mental and physical challenge to release the strength from my body for those who need it more than me. Off I go....

Just Outside of Heaven (A Good Country Mile)

The bouncin’ off the walls
The waitin’ in the streets
The take it for granted and then some
It’s safe to assume there ain’t enough room
If everyone wants to get near
There’s a deafening silence and everything stops
To find its own promise and balance
The rush is still coming but miles away
To find its own crossings and paths
So where do you go when you close your eyes
Where do you go when you sleep?
There’s a white picket fence and a house on the hill
From there I can see the lights
I’m just outside of heaven
A good country mile…
…

Kevn Kinney – A Good Country Mile

There is something haunting yet beautiful about these lyrics. After listening to the entire song over and over I believe that I know what he was writing about which really has nothing to do with running or marathons (but what song does?)? However, for some odd reason, they are easy for me to relate to a marathon, life (and even death).

The start of a marathon is a very anxious time. You don’t know what the next several hours will bring. There is a nervous energy yet, for me, a peaceful calmness. I have found peace at the starting line waiting for the mass of human energy to move me forward. The start of a marathon is very crowded with little room to stand let alone run. You can feel people bouncin’ off the walls still chatting to anyone who will listen. When the gun goes off, there is a deafening silence, a single-mindedness of the task at hand and a focus. Although everyone is moving, it feels like everything stops and your mind enters another dimension. There is a promise that you will be a better person at the end (or in the end), cleansed and balanced at least for a little while. The “rush” is when you must dig deeper to keep moving forward when your body or mind wants to quit. The “rush” can be when you are at the finish completely cleansed, exhausted and free. You wait for the “rush” to occur but you know its miles away and the journeys, crossings and paths will help you find the way. To me, running a marathon is like closing my eyes and going to sleep, I am still alive but at a sub-conscience peace yet dying a little being in perfect harmony and state. I’m close to heaven. I can see the lights. God is with me. I’m just outside of heaven, a good country mile.

Life is an anxious time. You feel the past; you live in the present and hope for the future. With life, you don’t know what the next day will bring but giving your life to God will allow you to be at peace, peace with the past, a serenity of present and peace for the future. I’m just outside of heaven, a good country mile.

Delaware 5/20/07 - 3:45:50; Sunburst 6/2/07 - 3:55:29

My "City" of Ruins

There is a blood red circle
On the cold dark ground
And the rain is falling down
The church door's thrown open
I can hear the organ's song
But the congregation's gone
My city of ruins
My city of ruins

Now with these hands,
I pray Lord
With these hands,
I pray for the strength, Lord
With these hands,
I pray for the faith, Lord
We pray for your love, Lord
We pray for the lost, Lord
We pray for this world, Lord
We pray for the strength, Lord
We pray for the strength, Lord

Come on
Come on, rise up

Bruce Springsteen, My City of Ruins

3:44:45, a personal best marathon in New Jersey on my 25th marathon! I wanted to be happy about it but it seemed so trivial, certainly not diminishing all of the hard work that all of the other marathoners put in to get to the finish line.

If you wonder how I come up with ideas for my blog entries, the ideas present themselves through song and then I relate that song to both running and life. I never used to listen to music on the run and I still take a break from it sometimes but I now realize that I can find deeper meaning in music and in life by listening and relating.

Bruce supposedly wrote My City of Ruins about Asbury Park after it crumbled and tumbled from its heyday. However, I also think he wrote it about life and the struggles that people go through where they feel like their “life” is in ruins. While I was listening, I thought about how many people felt that their “life” was in ruins; families of soldiers who have died in war, the innocent people of Iraq and Darfur just trying to live another day, families and friends of those massacred at VT, those in Kansas who saw their town completely decimated. All of us at some point in our lives see our “city” of ruins to one extent or another. It doesn’t have to be so extreme but if we feel like it is in ruins, then it is so. What Bruce also wrote about was his faith in the Lord and his prayer for the strength to rise up beyond the “city” of ruins not only beyond our own “city” but for the “cities” around the world – the people of this world who feel that their “city” is in ruins.

At some point during a marathon, we also feel as if we are in ruins, that we can’t continue, the physical and mental pain so great that it might be easier to give up. At that point, we draw upon the strength of the Lord to help us through and to help those around us through. I always ask God to take all of the strength from me in the marathon and give it to those in need – those who feel that their “city” is in ruins – to totally exhaust me and expend all of the energy from my body and mind and give it to someone who needs it most or can use it at that very point in time – someone not in the marathon but someone who needs strength in life. The beauty of the marathon is that it leaves you totally exhausted and spent physically and mentally. To me, that feeling is God taking the strength from me and giving it to someone else in need. It is one reason why I run marathons.

Peace Within

For ye shall go out with joy, and be led fourth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

Isaiah 55:12

Tomorrow will be my 25th marathon. I have not approached most marathons with peace. However, this year, I have stood at the starting line of the Houston and Little Rock marathons in peace. I gave the days to God and asked Him to to let me proceed forward in peace and joy; what will be, will be; whether I keeled over and died or I ran a Boston Qualifying time. Tomorrow, I will go out and run with joy to the best of my abilities and to the best that my current training will allow, but leave the journey and results to Him. This is my peace.

The New Jersey Marathon will not include mountains, have very few hills and not have many trees. The marathon itself, no matter where run, always has mountains with peaks and valleys; the times you feel great and the times you feel awful. The "hill" is the 26.2 miles themselves and it gets steeper and steeper as the miles progress. Tomorrow, instead of the trees clapping their hands, the crash of the cold ocean waves onto the hardened sand will be the clap of the hands to offer praise to each runner for their will, perseverance and endurance.

My sister lost her husband this week and I ask God to grant her and their family peace as Eddie begins his new life with God.

As difficult as it sometimes is, go out in life with joy and be led forth with peace. Life is a marathon.

Praise You in This Storm

(Casting Crowns)

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

The marathon is the perfect storm. The storm takes place internally, externally, physically and mentally. It is concentrated in those 26.2 miles from the first step beyond the start to the last step at the finish. Some could argue that the storm starts months earlier during training and intensifies throughout the marathon. Since I run so many marathons a year, the storm to me takes place during those 26.2 miles. What does the storm consist of? The storm internally relates to the functioning of the body itself – the physiology to be exact. Did I eat enough carbohydrates and hydrate well enough to stockpile the glycogen stores? Will my digestive system work efficiently? If and when will it shut down? Will my breathing and lung capacity be right? Will my heart handle the stress that I ask to be placed upon it? These questions relate to the internal storm and can be minimized through training. However, no training completely calms this storm. The external storm relates to the conditions, most of which are out of your control. By picking a particular marathon at a particular time of year and in a particular place you can attempt to control the external storm but not entirely. The weather is what it is and you get what you get on marathon day and you don’t complain. All courses are different and some will give you a storm of challenges from hills to concrete from potholes of the urban jungle to potholes of Mother Nature (trails).

The physical demands of the storm emerge when the battle with the internal storm starts to become lost. The body passes through so many stages during a marathon. In essence, it is like the weather. If you don’t like how you are feeling, wait awhile and it will change. Unfortunately, the converse is also true. You may feel amazing physically but that too may change for the worse as a “thunderstorm” approaches with lightning, hail, rain and wind. What happens when you have a summer rain storm with the sun shining? A rainbow appears and it is beautiful. The colors are vibrant and it appears to lead nowhere and somewhere at the same time. This is the essence of the marathon’s physical storm. The mental storm may be the most difficult to weather. The mind can be a human’s worst enemy yet be one’s most supportive friend. The mind must “manage” all the other storms while enduring its own storm. I would argue that weathering the marathon storm is an exercise in mental perseverance and extending the calm before the storm throughout the marathon. The mind will allow you to drown or help you survive and this IS under your control.

I have approached my last two marathons (Houston and 2 weeks ago, Little Rock) with peace and relaxation. It is not to say that I don’t encounter the storm. I know that the storm will come all the same. However, by praising God in the storm, the calm and relaxed feelings I feel before the marathon (the calm before the storm) helps me weather the storm through Him.

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

The marathon is such a metaphor for life – life is also a storm. I don’t mean to minimize the intense storms that we encounter in life by comparing it to a marathon but it is representative of what we encounter in life. We must look to God to weather the storm of life. Although you may barely hear His whisper, He is with you always. He knows what you need to weather the storm. Learning this, I have a different approach to the marathon as well as life.

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Start of the Running Season?

The start of the running season is almost here.

This was the first line from a recent newsletter that I received from ZombieRunner. I don't know about you but for me, the start of the running season was when I took my first few strides many years ago and won't end until I take my last breath.

"Run" By Faith

Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words
You say Every moment of every day

Well I will “run” by faith
Even when I cannot see it
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Jeremy Camp – Walk by Faith

It is impossible to go into a marathon without faith – faith in God to help guide you, complete faith in yourself and faith from others. Faith is not only needed on the day of the marathon but every day, every minute and every mile leading up to those 26.2 miles. It is also impossible to go through life without this same faith. Let Him in and He will help guide you. Let yourself in and you will find your way. Let others in to support you. Your fears will disappear.

It was marathon time again as I headed off to Houston to run my 26th marathon and beyond (ultrathon) in my 15th state. The ultrathon is my contentment, comfort and peace. Ask any veteran ultrathon runner where they find their peace and they will surely say that it is during the extended time and many miles of running. It is where I feel close to God, myself and others, yet, in a solitary way. It is where I feel safe. It is my community where I know every runner yet none at all. Because of my new found faith, the Houston Marathon was one of my most fearless marathons. I was calm and relaxed at the start putting my faith in all I have asked and done. God had already helped with the weather and now it was up to us to make the most of it. With 18,000 runners, there were just as many reasons and stories to be running that day. In fact, the philanthropic nature of the Houston Marathon is branded as a “Reason to Run” allowing fundraising for many of Houston’s local charities as well as some national charities.

During the marathon, I let my thoughts and eyes drift around the pack of runners and even to the spectators lining the streets waiting for their runner to pass by and spend a few seconds with them. Undoubtedly, these are the people that put faith in them, who encourage them, who believe in them. The great thing about most spectators is that they not only put faith in their runner but every runner who passes by. The bibs for the Houston Marathon not only identified us by number but also by first name. I didn’t know anyone personally in Houston; however, I heard my name called more times than I could count being offered words of encouragement and signs of faith.

I do believe that many of the spectators look out onto the course wishing that they were making this journey through the urban jungle. It may inspire many to do just this and if not 26.2 miles maybe 1 mile or 3.1 miles. I sometimes believe it is harder being a spectator or volunteer than it is a runner. The volunteers work for most of the marathon encouraging and helping the runners in so many ways. It is truly a marathon for them as they work throughout the weekend to make the marathon successful. Another group of individuals who have their work cut out for them are the police. I usually thank them since they spend hours on end to keep us safe from impatient drivers.

Until I needed focus on getting through the later miles, I consciously made an effort to glance around the pack of runners around me. Of course, you only get to see the back or sides of everyone but you can always feel their presence. I thought about all the reasons people were running, all they have done to get to this point on this day and if they would ever do it again. I noticed runners running alone, runners trying to strike up conversations to distract their minds from the miles and pain and groups of runners running for a cause. At some point you settle into a pace and you run with others around that pace. I settled into a strong pace after 5 miles but noticed another runner at about the same pace. We seemed to push each other for the next 15 miles but staying juxtaposed for most of the time. We never glanced at one another and never said a word but we knew that we were helping one another. At one point I moved ahead during a water stop and thought that I had lost this person so I was back to pacing myself. To my surprise, this person passed me at mile 25 never saying a word and never looking back but I would like to believe that it was runners helping each other to get the most out of their ability.

The only way to run a marathon is to “Run by Faith” and the only way to get through life is to “Walk by Faith”. As I take more breaths searching for a way to make me new, either running or walking, it will be through faith.