Run For the Roses

When most people hear “run for the roses”, they think of one thing, the Kentucky Derby, the greatest horse race in the world. I’m heading to this same venue, Louisville, in the air as I write, to also run for the roses in the Kentucky Derby Festival Marathon. The marathon is the week before the real Kentucky Derby but the same day when racing starts at Churchill Downs, home to the famous race. Sure, they could have us drink mint juleps before the marathon and make us trek 26.2 miles in the deep dirt and sand around the famed track but they have spared us this challenge. But, at mile 9, we do enter Churchill Downs for a lap around the infield to soak in all the history of the great event, to envision and imagine the charm of the southern gals displaying their spring attire and fanciful hats along with the gentleman whose timepieces fall to their sides, tucked in their vest pockets anxiously awaiting post time. It is high stakes racing and the beginning of the elusive Triple Crown – the opportunity for the horse, jockey, owner and trainer to go down in history or to live in infamy as a one-race wonder.

On May 2nd the Kentucky Derby will be run and when watching it, I will know that I also gave it my best around the historical track. There will be no red roses at the end or mint juleps at the beginning (maybe afterwards) but there will be the feeling that I experienced a hundred thrty-fve years of history in a few minutes of running. Marathons are not only about running but to experience the destination. It doesn’t have to be something as grand as the Kentucky Derby. It can be just as interesting and rewarding visiting small venues like Gilsum, NH, Piney Point, MD or Schroon Lake, NY. Small town charm and big city energy both play handsomely in American culture.

While in Louisville, I plan to visit Louisville Slugger factory and museum just as I toured CNN and the aquarium in Atlanta four weeks earlier during the ING Georgia Marathon. The Atlanta race had unrelenting hills which I never complain about but they were a challenge in colder windy conditions. The start, with 13,000 half-marathoners was extremely crowded, almost claustrophobic and I was happy to see them depart at mile 7. I very rarely chat for prolonged periods of time during a run but at mile 7, I hooked up with a guy training for an ironman and we ran together and chatted for the next 13 miles. At mile 20, which is where the race begins, I knew that I was really close to making the finish in less than 4 hours. I picked up the pace a bit but the hills continued to take their toll and I cramped at mile 24. The home stretch was tough but toughness is what the marathon is about. I finished in 3:59:25 just barely making it but happy to do so.

We are on our descent. I need to look for Big Brown, the giant Louisville Slugger bat and Churchill Downs and get ready to run for the roses.

A Runner's Marathon

The Lower Potomac River Marathon was the smallest marathon that I have run. There were 155 finishers. It is a runner's marathon. I certainly have nothing against runners/walkers of all abilities taking part in any running event. In actuality, our society needs more of this. I am a mid-pack runner myself. However, there was something intimate about the LPRM. There was no hoopla, no rock 'n roll, no spectators, no goodie bags, no event merchandise, no bus rides to the start and no $19 pictures for purchase (volunteers took photos and posted to a Flikr site.) It was a marathon for runners who love to run, who love the purity of the sport. This is not to say that these folks are elite runners but more to say that they are committed runners (or maybe runners who should be committed!) Running a marathon is not a checklist item, it is a way of life for most of them, marathoners who see each other on the "circuit." They are people who have made friends running, get to share stories, and discuss the best and worst of marathons. Many of them are marathon maniacs and 50 staters. I had more chats and interactions during this marathon of 155 than I did during Phoenix's Rock 'n' Roll whose numbers were in the 35,000 range. The other difference in intimacy of the marathon is in directorship. Obviously, in the larger marathons the race director cannot respond with a personal message to each runner. Even in some of the smaller marathons, this doesn't happen. I was surprised to see a personal greeting and even an exchange of emails with the Race Director of the LPRM. During registration and post-race, she even remembered my name. Most of my favorite marathons have been smaller, intimate races held in tiny towns typically with great community support sometimes more than in the big cities. The views and courses have been genuinely wonderful as well. The LPRM was no different with views of the wispy inlets of the Potomac River and Chesapeake Bay. The post-race buffet of pasta, salad and desserts prepared by the Paul Hall Center, Harry Lundeberg School of Seamanship, Piney Point, MD was the best meal I have had after a marathon. A couple of my other favorite small marathons are the Adirondack Distance Festival in Lake Schroon, NY, Clarence Demar in Gilsum-Keene, NH and Cape Cod, MA. The LPRM will be added to this list. I don't mean to downplay the larger marathons because there is great energy and fantastic participation at these events even in poor economic times. I read an article in Runner's World that running appears to be recession-proof. The numbers have not appeared to have decreased with races still closing out to capacity. Whether the race is small, medium or large there is an uplift in the economy in and around the venue. When running in Birmingham, AL the restaurants that had been slow prior to the marathon had to put on extra staff during marathon weekend. Not only is there an uplift in the economy but I notice a genuine uplift in people's spirits during these events - the smiles, the laughter, the struggles, the joy of finishing. Maybe this is why the movie "The Spirit of the Marathon" is so appropriately titled.

So, now I sit in Atlanta Georgia amidst thunder and lightning awaiting the start of the ING Georgia Marathon tomorrow, my 6th this year, 27th state and 40th marathon overall and on my way to my 50th marathon on my 50th birthday at the Mardi Gras Marathon in New Orleans next February. The weather is going to pass and tomorrow will be another perfect day for running 26.2 miles with a spirited group of runners, volunteers and spectators. Yes, this is a big city marathon but the spirit still lives in the runners, organizers and sponsors whose money benefits multiple charities.

Faith and Doubt

If you haven’t read John Ortberg, you should. His books are full of life teachings in the context of the bible, great philosophers and theologians alike. His current book, Faith and Doubt “takes an honest look at the misgivings and uncertainties that often obscure our view of God”.

This blog is not about religion or God yet my running life is somewhat governed by faith and doubt. John Ortberg asks, “What if the most important word is the one in the middle?” He argues that the very nature of faith requires the presence of uncertainty and doubt could actually strengthen our relationship with God.

So, you may be asking yourself what this has to do with running. I have wondered over the last 10 years why I have been so attracted to the marathon and beyond distance. Why have I run 43 marathons and ultras since 2001? Why have I run 4 marathons in the first 6 weeks of 2009? Why have I registered for 24 hour run in July? While reading his book, it has dawned on me - Faith and Doubt.

To run so many marathons and ultras (better known to me as “multras”), you need faith in yourself, others and in God. You not only need faith while running but while training and while recovering - allowing your body to be torn down and subsequently built up before it is ultimately destroyed by the multra. God was the chief architect of our bodies and gave it the ability to continuously get stronger through training and recovery. You toe the starting line with faith, peace and presence. Look around you and see the joy and anxious energy of others all permeating through faith. I say one last prayer of peace to allow the energy to leave my body for those in need. I must exhaust it all. There is no reason to leave any behind. It must be left on the course and transcend to others.

However, the beauty of the multra is in its doubt and uncertainty. For most distances up through the marathon, not finishing doesn’t enter the mind. But in a marathon or ultra, because of the distance, being beyond what the mind and body was designed for, uncertainty and doubt is very real. If it was a certainty, you would no longer need faith. I don’t need faith to run a 5K. I need faith to run a marathon or a 50 miler or for 24 hours. Even elite runners need the same faith and generally thank God after their runs. This uncertainty and doubt keeps me running marathon after marathon – the doubt of finishing, the uncertainty of time, the doubt of my physical being, the struggle with my thoughts. Faith must win out and it is much better to live with faith than doubt. It is much stronger and just generally a better way to live – a better way to run. Maybe through my faith is why I have finished every marathon that I have started. Maybe through faith is why I just ran under 4 hours (3:57) again for the first time in 18 months and in my 4th marathon in 6 weeks. Maybe through faith is why I am still alive. In the worst economic times of our lifetime, maybe we need faith.

I will continue to stretch my faith AND doubt with running the most multras I have ever run in one year. That faith will benefit others as well as my running this year is dedicated to charitable causes for each step I move forward a donation will be made.

Faith and Doubt – Faith is a footbridge that you don’t know will hold you up over the chasm until you are forced to walk out onto it. – Nicholas Wolterstorff

…and John 20:27

Then He said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."

The Price You Pay

You make up your mind, you choose the chance you take

You “run” to where the highway ends and the desert breaks

Out on to an open road you “run” until the day

You learn to sleep at night with the price you pay

It has been a month and three marathons later since I have written. The chance I took was to run 3 marathons in 22 days – so trivial. There isn’t much chance in running, not like in life itself. The only chance I was taking in running 3 marathons in 22 days was basically not finishing one of them although 26.2 miles isn’t that far and can be walked by nearly anyone. Of course, there is a price to pay when maximizing your effort usually through mental and physical pain. I could certainly die running but then again I have more of a chance dying in a car accident than running 26.2 miles. So, where really is the chance? Chance in life is much different because the price you pay affects everyone around you. So, for us hardcore runners, do we run so that we can sleep at night with the chances taken – the price to be paid? Were the hills of Mississippi, the desert of Arizona and the jagged coastal beaches of California a metaphor for the twists and turns, ups and downs that life bestows upon us? Will God ever help with the price you pay?

Now with their hands held high, they reached out for the open skies

And in one last breath they built the roads they'd “run” to their death

”Running” on through the night, unable to break away

From the restless pull of the price you pay

In three marathons, I ran with nearly 35,000 other people. They all reached for something more. They let he sky be the limit. Did they find what they were looking for? Were they able to break away? Did they find life or did they run to their death? Are they still paying the price? My guess is that all of these runners are better off for their effort.

Oh, the price you pay, oh, the price you pay

Now you can't “run” away from the price you pay

No matter how many marathons there are, ultras of 50 miles, 100 miles, you can’t run away from the price you pay. Does it mean that you should stop? When you run, you sometimes know what you are running from but you never know what you are running to – who the person is when you get there. But, there is still a price to pay.

Now they'd come so far and they'd waited so long

Just to end up caught in a dream where everything goes wrong

Where the dark of night holds back the light of the day

And you've gotta stand and fight for the price you pay

As in the marathon, like life, you never know when it will go wrong. The clouds will darken and the light of day will shorten until it disappears like the miles behind. But everyone keeps moving forward and fights gallantly for the price you pay to get to the finish just to start again.

Oh, the price you pay, oh, the price you pay

Now you can't “run” away from the price you pay

Do you remember the story of the promised land

How he crossed the desert sands

And could not enter the chosen land

On the banks of the river he stayed

To face the price you pay

The Promised Land lies ahead of you with every step and every mile across the desert, along the coast, up and down the hills of life. The chosen land can be entered whenever you would like if you face the price you pay. You don’t have to stay on the banks of the river. Getting to the other side comes with a price. The Promised Land is waiting.

So let the “race” start, you better run you little wild heart

You can run through all the nights and all the days

But just across the county line, a stranger passing through put up a sign

That counts the men fallen away to the price you pay, and before the end of the day,

I'm gonna tear it down and throw it away

The starting line is where it begins, the journey to the far reaches of life, never stopping and always moving forward – running wild with heart. You will see others falter and fall away to the price you pay. Before it’s over, don’t let anyone bring you down with them. Run your own race, throw away the sign and finish life, find the joy and finish the distance with the price you pay.

Now some say forget the past, and some say don't look back
But for every breath you take well buddy you leave a track

Learn from the past, from the last mile ran or the last breath we just taken. The track is treacherous and not looking back makes looking forward a more difficult journey. The price you pay is by not looking backward. The price you pay is by not looking forward. The price you pay.

The Finish Line

A magic trick makes the world disappear

The skies are dark, they're dark but they're clear

A distant motorcade and suddenly there's joy

The cold and ticker tape blurs all my senses numb

It's like the finish line where everything just ends

I'm done with this, I'm counting to ten

Brightest lights, running to them

I feel like I am watching everything from space

And in a minute I'll hear my name and I'll wake

I think the finish line's a good place we could start

Modified from Snow Patrol's The Finish Line

“I’m the official timekeeper and you have 3 minutes and 49 seconds to get to the finish line.” I just turned the corner and could see the glaring lights off in the distance. After 49 ½ miles, it comes down to running ½ mile in 3 minutes and 49 seconds. The man in the truck who proclaims to be the timekeeper is on my right and my nephew doing his best to pace me for the last ½ mile is on my left. “Mike, you got it, c’mon man, you got it!” Have you ever tried running ½ mile in 3 minutes 49 seconds after going 49 ½ miles?

I came back to the 2008 JFK to seek revenge. Although I had finished the 2006 race with nearly an hour to spare, I posted a DNF in 2007 by not making the cutoff time at Taylor’s Landing being 6 minutes late to the 38.6 mile aid station. The JFK is generally more of a mental test than a physical one, at least for me. The Marathon of Madness on the C&O canal towpath appears to be never-ending with a slight gradient of climb of no more than 3% for the entire 26 mile segment. The 8 miles of roads at the end over a gently rolling terrain almost feels good if it were not for the previous 42 miles. The Appalachian Trail for the first 16 miles requires focus and is so varied that it appears to go by quickly.

The world disappeared on the canal, especially for us back-of-the-pack runners. It became dark and lonely but the mission was clear – to finish. After mile 42, the sky was dark, the surroundings dark, and the world dark but the magic trick was not complete. Disappearing was not an option although who would know? Runner Disappears at Mile 44 in JFK50! Of course, if I am going to run 44 miles, I am certainly going to get to the finish before disappearing. I also have a feeling that Shawn would have come looking for me.

“I’m the official timekeeper and you have 3 minutes and 49 seconds to get to the finish line.” I keep hearing this repeated in my mind. I saw the motorcade off in the distance with the bright, glaring lights leading me to the finish like a beam of “light” leading me to heaven. Even with sub-freezing temperatures, I could only feel the warmth of those waiting. I could only imagine a ticker tape awaiting me. I was numb to the pain running on a cushion of air. The countdown continues, “one minute and 50 seconds”. Nothing changes as the finish line appears to move further away with each step. The lights are brighter and voices louder, “one minute and 30 seconds”. I am still a quarter mile to the finish. I never slow but never think. I just run. I try. I give it my best. “One minute... 30 seconds!” I’m counting to ten, brightest lights, running to them, nobody moves. “10, 9, 8…” but I am 100 meters away and even a world-class sprinter may not be able to run those 100 meters in less than 10 seconds. “7, 6, 5, 4…” and it is evident that I will not make the finish line cutoff. I’m done with this. I feel like I am watching everything from space. “3, 2, 1… The JFK 50 is officially over, thanks for coming out and see you in 2009!” What? I still have 30 meters to run. Ten seconds later, I cross the finish line in an unofficial finishing time of 12 hours and 10 seconds. And in a minute I'll hear my name and I'll wake. Do I want to? I look back to a million places where I squandered 10 seconds or maybe I should have just tried harder throughout. Whatever the case, the lesson has been learned and isn’t that the essence of doing better in life, failing and learning from it but continuing to move forward? I think the finish line's a good place we could start!

Spirit of the Storm

There’s a spirit of a storm in my soul
A restlessness that I can’t seem to tame
Thunder and lightning follow everywhere I go
There’s a spirit of a storm in my soul.

I can't seem to write on here as consistently as I want. Sometimes I want to write but don't want others to read so I don't write. I keep it in my soul and between God and me. I have run two marathons since the last time I have written and now on the verge of my 3rd 50 mile run of the year. I am seeking revenge on the JFK which I did not finish last year. Not finishing has been like a spirit of a storm - just one of many in my soul. I can't tame the restlessness and need to get back out on the road and trail to feel alive, to experience the emotional and physical pain in hopes of taming the restless lion. Marathons help but ultras take me beyond my reasonable limits. I am at sea and the storm rages. A vessel out of control.

There’s a hurricane that’s raging through my blood
I can’t find a way to calm the sea
Maybe I’ll find someday the waters aren’t so rushed
Right now they’ve got the best of me
And oh, it’s been a long, long time
Since I had real peace of mind
So I’m just going to "run" right here
"On" this old "mountain trail" till this storm rolls by.

Running brings me peace of mind. The blood rushing through my body with each accelerated heartbeat is a category 5, yet is as calm as the morning of the first, unspoiled winter snow. How absurdly opposing! I would run the trail forever if it was enough time for the storm to roll by.

Oh, maybe it’s just the way I am
Maybe I won’t ever change
So I’m just going to "run" right here
"On" this old "canal" and just soak up the rain.

The run will be over and I will still be the same but changed for those brief 11 hours. I'll run right here, where I am, with the sun, wind, and cold with the rest of the named storms. Few people in their right minds would run 50 miles, let alone 100 miles. I am not in my right mind and it won't ever change.

There’s a spirit of a storm in my soul
Every time I think it’s gone away
Dark clouds gather, that old wind begins to blow
The sun’s going to shine someday I hope
There’s a spirit of a storm in my soul, in my soul.

I will wait for the sun to shine and for God to shed his light. The storm will still rage, never to be diminished for the run that could be or should have been. "It" is in my soul, in my soul.

A Prophet Said...

You shall go out in joy
And be led back in peace;
The mountains and the hills before you
Shall burst into song,
And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

These were the last words that I had read prior to running the 25K of the Turkey Swamp races. I had an awful summer of running but continued to persevere through the struggles of a hamstring issue, decrease in motivation, summer weather and generally just not feeling great. I did run a couple of races and felt like they went alright although my expectations were not great. I ran the Belmar 5 miler in about 39 minutes on a sun-drenched beach day at the shore. Prior to my family reunion, I ran a respectable sub-23 minute 5K in Hagerstown with my nephew Shawn and his friend Tony. Of course, the hamstring issue at the time reared its ugly head but I finished in good shape.

I posted a DNF at last year’s Turkey Swamp 50K, my first DNF, and I knew that I was in no shape to run the 50K or even the 20 miler this year. I even questioned running the 25K, on trails no less, where muscles are used differently and my hamstring might be more prone to injury. Vacation was the week prior in North Carolina and although I ran some, they were not great runs. I could have given up running very easily this summer – but I didn’t.

I got back late on Saturday the day before Turkey Swamp. Although not pre-registered, I was committed to getting up early Sunday morning and making the effort to run the 25K. It was a perfect August morning with low humidity and temperatures in the high 60’s – one condition right. Before I left I read the passage above in a book that I had been reading. It was so appropriate because that is the way I always viewed my running – except this past summer. It was a reminder as to why I do this – go out in joy and be led back in peace. Although I have experienced it the opposite way also – go out in peace and be led back in joy. Maybe life should be approached this way. Of course, this is the intent of these prophetic thoughts but it took faith in running the Turkey Swamp 25K with these words lingering in my mind to fully understand it. We need to find the joy and the peace in each day no matter how and what we traverse in life. We need to find the Dee Dah Day moments, however few and however small.

I had a great 25K experience and for that brief period from when I read those words to arriving at the park with all of the other runners, lining up for the start, running 6 - 2 ½ mile tree-lined, soft, sandy, pine-needled, root-laden trail loops in 2 hours 19 minutes I rediscovered the peace and joy of running – maybe even the peace and joy in life, however difficult at times it is to find.

For What It's Worth

For what its worth
A nickel’s just a nickel son
Your pleasure calms your pain
Its gonna hurt
You’re out on the road
You’re an old horse "runnin’" along
Shakin’ all the miles been "run"
Hard and mean
Through the valley of shadows
Wickedness unravels

It has been a struggle lately - the slowness, the pain - out on the road. It hurts but my pleasure calms my pain or with pleasure comes the pain. Either way, what I get from running outweighs the struggles. I'm now an old horse runnin' along! The good news is that I am still runnin'. I have run many miles over the years getting close to the circumference of the earth and my body still accepts the pain yet my mind is numb with pleasure. I have run through the valley of shadows, the wickedness of life unraveled. Running has also been there as a friend to me without judgement but not without humility. Bill Rodgers said, "the marathon can humble you." As a friend should be able to do as well, running can humble you. Sometimes you need kicked in the seat of the pants, reprimanded, beaten down, broken - stroked, encouraged. Running does this for me. Running is what defines me for better or worse. It makes me the person I am. Each of us are different. I deal with life through running.

With one touch
Water turns to rust
But tell me
Who is there to trust, anymore
You're fallen fast
You’re rock hittin’ glass
Runnin’ from your shattered past

In Running, you run to and from. It should be opposite of the way it is - running from finish to start instead of start to finish. The finish is is really the end of something but the beginning of a journey to a new start. The journey allows us to learn from the shattered past -fallin' fast - rock hittin' glass. The water is turning to rust so I need softened and conditioned. I need that one touch of God upon my shoulder to help me.

A nickel is just a nickel but for what it's worth, it still has value. Running is valuable to me. It keeps me alive.

If We Faint Not

And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due reason we shall reap, if we faint not. Galations 6:9

As long as we are trying our best and giving our all we will be rewarded as long as we don't give up. I didn't give up during the 26.2 mile jaunt in Providence. I knew it would not be my best run due to the slow long distance training for two 50 milers earlier in the year and a 50 miler just 4 weeks ago. Of course, this is what I tell myself. In essence, I need to drop two hands-full of pounds and do some more tempo and lactic threshold training to get the combination of speed and endurance back, if at all possible, now being 48. I will say that a truly run marathon is as close to perfection in running as it is possible. Obviously, speed and endurance are relative to our abilities but when we combine both, to the best of our abilities, where it takes our bodies and mind to our limits and slightly beyond, it is though we transcend ourselves. We leave our mind and bodies behind and let the soul find its spirit. This doesn't happen with every marathon. It is the beauty and challenge of the distance. But when perfection is attained, which I have only experienced a handful of times out of the 32 marathons I have run, we indeed reap.

Providence, for an inaugural marathon, was decent but a little rough around the edges. The course was challenging with its hilly (rolling) terrain, although fair. I didn't faint and felt like I didn't give up. Although not great, I finished in the best time that I could on this day and I really couldn't ask for more. I strive to find my soul and I get closest to it when running - right or wrong.

Morning Glory

After my rant last night I suspect this entry will be a bit more calm. I just got back from a sight-seeing tour of Providence - well sort of. My tour consisted of about a 3.5 mile easy warm-up run prior to tomorrow. Not only does a run like this get your body a bit more in tune for the 26.2 miles tomorrow, but more importantly, it allows some of the extremely negative thoughts bleed from your mind. A run always seems to do that. Many mornings I wake to "what's the use..." but a run always brings me back to life. Without disappointment, it did today. I first ran up to the Rhode Island state capitol. I am usually fascinated by the architecture of such buildings certainly more than what actually occurs inside (see last night's entry.) The buildings look as though they are sculpted, carved or whittled and they are generally old. After running around the state capitol, I followed Dorrance Ave. down through Providence to where the finish of the marathon will be tomorrow - quaint streets and buildings surround the finish along with some streets made of brick. The Providence River runs through the city so I made my way over to the river. I love a series of bridges that cross a river running through a city. There is something calming about them and the water they cross. So off I go over one of the bridges to main street and low and behold found a running store called Rhode Runner - excellent! After taking a picture of the "Old Stone Bank" I finish my loop with a cup of Joe and maple scone from Starbucks. It should be an interesting run tomorrow as the course appears to be a bit hilly or rolling depending on how you look at it. Now the rain appears to be a factor too but I can't argue with what God provides. I just know that a bad day of running is still better than a good day at work.

Why...

(this entry is nothing like my others but some days, you just have to go off!) ...is running 26 or 50 miles so much easier than the effort required yet not recognized in the corporate world? Is it maybe because YOU appreciate the effort that YOU put into training to get YOU to the finish where no one in the corporate world appreciates or notices anything that you do? Why is it that the person who doesn't threaten to quit but works wholeheartedly for the organization in humility is left behind? Someday the lack of respect for the employees in a company will bring a company down and I hope that it is a hard lesson to learn. OK, enough on the corporate rant. I am in Povidence Rhode Island (why is it an island?) waiting to run the Providence Marathon on Sunday. It is my first marathon since December and in some ways looking forward to it although I am more trained for 50 milers (i.e. slow longer distance.) I do know the physcal and mental pain of a marathon or 50 miles is still nothing compared to the strife of corporate america. Of course, I still need some way to give Exon-Mobile their 10 billion dollars in profit and provide the funding for war in the era of bushonomics. Maybe it should be called waronomics or oilonomics. Oil, Mr. Bush and our illustrious members of congress is the battleground of terror. While Hillary and Barack call each other names and fight with golden gloves with mouths that need to be washed out with soap, Mr. McCain sits back in his lazy-boy and watches the blood-bath. They are all the same. There are not two parties. There is one - the Political Party that continues to rip apart the core of America. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing, just a rant that started at 6:15 this morning when I realized that 3 1/2 years of coporate giving has been returned by a corporate shafting. Why is this on a running blog? Because I only have running blogs and I am sitting here pondering the "why run" question again. Why run? Because it is easy and simple and hard all at the same time and you get out of it what you put into it - not true in the coporate world!

End is Here

Endless days
We search for one we hold inside
So hard to find
Luck turns
Will the fallen ever reach within
And rise again
For the rest of my life
I will find the answers
That were always here
I will find the meaning this time
I will fight the end
Till the end is here

AlterBridge

Sunday I will be back on the marathon trek which will take me to Providence, RI for their innaugural Cox Sports Marathon. Rhode island will be my 21st state and 32nd marathon after a winter of two 50 milers. Many of us runners run to search for the one we hold inside. Each run, no matter the distance, but specifically longer runs where we have the time to ponder, look for answers with the right questions take us on a journey of self-discovery. Each run helps us fight to the end till the end is here. It gives us time with our personal Jesus always searching for the meaning hoping to always rise from our brokeness. The run is no longer about time. It is about destiny.

Freak

Searching for things I can't see
Mountains in front of me
No nothing will conquer my existence
Fear will not discover my brain

Days of the New

It is one thing to find what you are looking for but another to search for things that can't be seen. In some ways, this is what running affords us, a way to search for what can't be seen - possibilities, potential and hope. It is why it is hard to explain to the mortal sedentary types the joy that comes from running. I find that the longer the distance, the more evident these truths become. We runners hold these truths to be sacred and undeniable (OK, Thomas Jefferson's original line in the Declaration of Independence can be applied to running also!)

As I start to prepare a schedule for mararthons to get myself to the half way point of 50 states this year, my mind is still on my attempt at a 100 mile ultra in April. The last two lines of the song above will need to be embedded in my heart, soul and mind. They are true for everyone, those taking their first step to a running lifestyle or those running their first 5K, first marathon or first ultra. Even for us more experienced, we need to keep the same mindset. The word fear is used 366 times in the bible (not that I counted) and is one of the biggest demobilizers of doing anything and everything in life. We must have faith in God and in ourselves to conquer fear not just in running but in life.

As for marathons, Providence, RI has a new marathon this year and is the only marathon in RI (unless Breakers is still around) so I better pounce on that one to pick up RI in May. I hope to run Deadwood-Mickelson in June which is supposedly a beautiful trail marathon on the Deadwood-Mickelson trail near Rapid City, SD. Of course, I will run Baltimore in October making it the 8th straight year on my quest for 25. I am still evaluating others for September, October and November. I also hope to run the JFK 50 mile again to redeem myself from last year's DNF. I have learned some good lessons from my two DNF ultras last year. I am not an ultra freak yet but still a marathon manic.

Who You'd Be Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone
It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
The death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Who You'd Be Today - Kenny Chesney

For those who knew Ryan Shay (and I was not one of them except knowing him through running magazines), these words will have a piercing impact on them. For any of us who have lost people to death too early in our or their lives, these words will have an imprint on our hearts or others who were not even given the opportunities at life we sometimes wonder. Ryan Shay died doing what he loved, running. He was not out for a casual easy run. He was running the Olympic marathon trials for a place on the U.S. team in Beijing, something he had dreamed of and trained for all his life. God took him too early but in doing so, you might just see an American winner in Beijing at the marathon distance in 2008. Ryan will be with the U.S. Olympic hopefuls through their training and their gold medal run. To all of Ryan's family, friends and new wife Alicia, the running community's deepest sympathy is offered to you all.

There are few deaths in running events. Recently there have been two; in the Chicago marathon and the Olympic trials. Although Ryan was well-known, both made headlines. I can't tell you the name of the man who died in Chicago but I do know that the same words apply for those who knew and loved him. I also also pray to God that when He believes that my race has ended, that I am taken while running expending the energy of the body and mind, transferring energy to those who need it more, to have those born who may not be otherwise. I also pray that I get to cross the finish line so I can proclaim as Jesus did, "It is Finished" (John 19:30) as His last words on the cross. It should be up to God to know when "It is Finished" and up to God through Jesus to guide us to the finish line. Don't let people wonder who you'd be today, show them today who you are because, unlike the running race, we never know how close the finish line is.

Beauty of the Cape...

There is no better way to see the beauty of Cape Cod than running 26.2 miles around it. The views of Nantucket sound were eye candy and worth the price of admission. This is the Norbsk Lighthouse around mile 22. This picture was taken just about 15 minutes after sunrise the day after the marathon.









It looks like I am the only runner in the marathon but there were over 1000 marathoners and another 190 relay runners on a rolling course throughout Falmouth.





Another view of the Norbsk Lighthouse the day before the marathon. It was an overcast misty day but is shown in whole other essence.

Alter and the Door

Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong way traveling, slowly unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart
Lord, this time I'll make it right
Here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done
My heart is broken...

Casting Crowns

As I sit here awaiting the start of the Cape Cod Marathon, less than an hour away, I ponder the music that randomly selects itself from my ipod. Today, I will not take any music with me for the 42 Kilometers. The course is quite beautiful and I don't want to spoil the meditative state of the journey. I drove the course yesterday traversing a rolling, hilly course that was formed 11,000 years ago by a glacier. Some of the hills are results of that glacial activity. There is also 5 miles worth of beautiful seashore running past the Norbsk lighthouse along side the Nantucket sound. Sitting at the seashore yesterday let me ponder how fragile life is yet how God has formed a plan for it all. The weather is perfect with temperatures in the 50's and gloriously sunny day. I hope to enjoy the journey as I watch my clock to make sure I am running slow enough to enjoy the day. Yet, I need to feel the exertion and the mental and physical challenge to release the strength from my body for those who need it more than me. Off I go....

Just Outside of Heaven (A Good Country Mile)

The bouncin’ off the walls
The waitin’ in the streets
The take it for granted and then some
It’s safe to assume there ain’t enough room
If everyone wants to get near
There’s a deafening silence and everything stops
To find its own promise and balance
The rush is still coming but miles away
To find its own crossings and paths
So where do you go when you close your eyes
Where do you go when you sleep?
There’s a white picket fence and a house on the hill
From there I can see the lights
I’m just outside of heaven
A good country mile…
…

Kevn Kinney – A Good Country Mile

There is something haunting yet beautiful about these lyrics. After listening to the entire song over and over I believe that I know what he was writing about which really has nothing to do with running or marathons (but what song does?)? However, for some odd reason, they are easy for me to relate to a marathon, life (and even death).

The start of a marathon is a very anxious time. You don’t know what the next several hours will bring. There is a nervous energy yet, for me, a peaceful calmness. I have found peace at the starting line waiting for the mass of human energy to move me forward. The start of a marathon is very crowded with little room to stand let alone run. You can feel people bouncin’ off the walls still chatting to anyone who will listen. When the gun goes off, there is a deafening silence, a single-mindedness of the task at hand and a focus. Although everyone is moving, it feels like everything stops and your mind enters another dimension. There is a promise that you will be a better person at the end (or in the end), cleansed and balanced at least for a little while. The “rush” is when you must dig deeper to keep moving forward when your body or mind wants to quit. The “rush” can be when you are at the finish completely cleansed, exhausted and free. You wait for the “rush” to occur but you know its miles away and the journeys, crossings and paths will help you find the way. To me, running a marathon is like closing my eyes and going to sleep, I am still alive but at a sub-conscience peace yet dying a little being in perfect harmony and state. I’m close to heaven. I can see the lights. God is with me. I’m just outside of heaven, a good country mile.

Life is an anxious time. You feel the past; you live in the present and hope for the future. With life, you don’t know what the next day will bring but giving your life to God will allow you to be at peace, peace with the past, a serenity of present and peace for the future. I’m just outside of heaven, a good country mile.

Delaware 5/20/07 - 3:45:50; Sunburst 6/2/07 - 3:55:29

My "City" of Ruins

There is a blood red circle
On the cold dark ground
And the rain is falling down
The church door's thrown open
I can hear the organ's song
But the congregation's gone
My city of ruins
My city of ruins

Now with these hands,
I pray Lord
With these hands,
I pray for the strength, Lord
With these hands,
I pray for the faith, Lord
We pray for your love, Lord
We pray for the lost, Lord
We pray for this world, Lord
We pray for the strength, Lord
We pray for the strength, Lord

Come on
Come on, rise up

Bruce Springsteen, My City of Ruins

3:44:45, a personal best marathon in New Jersey on my 25th marathon! I wanted to be happy about it but it seemed so trivial, certainly not diminishing all of the hard work that all of the other marathoners put in to get to the finish line.

If you wonder how I come up with ideas for my blog entries, the ideas present themselves through song and then I relate that song to both running and life. I never used to listen to music on the run and I still take a break from it sometimes but I now realize that I can find deeper meaning in music and in life by listening and relating.

Bruce supposedly wrote My City of Ruins about Asbury Park after it crumbled and tumbled from its heyday. However, I also think he wrote it about life and the struggles that people go through where they feel like their “life” is in ruins. While I was listening, I thought about how many people felt that their “life” was in ruins; families of soldiers who have died in war, the innocent people of Iraq and Darfur just trying to live another day, families and friends of those massacred at VT, those in Kansas who saw their town completely decimated. All of us at some point in our lives see our “city” of ruins to one extent or another. It doesn’t have to be so extreme but if we feel like it is in ruins, then it is so. What Bruce also wrote about was his faith in the Lord and his prayer for the strength to rise up beyond the “city” of ruins not only beyond our own “city” but for the “cities” around the world – the people of this world who feel that their “city” is in ruins.

At some point during a marathon, we also feel as if we are in ruins, that we can’t continue, the physical and mental pain so great that it might be easier to give up. At that point, we draw upon the strength of the Lord to help us through and to help those around us through. I always ask God to take all of the strength from me in the marathon and give it to those in need – those who feel that their “city” is in ruins – to totally exhaust me and expend all of the energy from my body and mind and give it to someone who needs it most or can use it at that very point in time – someone not in the marathon but someone who needs strength in life. The beauty of the marathon is that it leaves you totally exhausted and spent physically and mentally. To me, that feeling is God taking the strength from me and giving it to someone else in need. It is one reason why I run marathons.

Peace Within

For ye shall go out with joy, and be led fourth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

Isaiah 55:12

Tomorrow will be my 25th marathon. I have not approached most marathons with peace. However, this year, I have stood at the starting line of the Houston and Little Rock marathons in peace. I gave the days to God and asked Him to to let me proceed forward in peace and joy; what will be, will be; whether I keeled over and died or I ran a Boston Qualifying time. Tomorrow, I will go out and run with joy to the best of my abilities and to the best that my current training will allow, but leave the journey and results to Him. This is my peace.

The New Jersey Marathon will not include mountains, have very few hills and not have many trees. The marathon itself, no matter where run, always has mountains with peaks and valleys; the times you feel great and the times you feel awful. The "hill" is the 26.2 miles themselves and it gets steeper and steeper as the miles progress. Tomorrow, instead of the trees clapping their hands, the crash of the cold ocean waves onto the hardened sand will be the clap of the hands to offer praise to each runner for their will, perseverance and endurance.

My sister lost her husband this week and I ask God to grant her and their family peace as Eddie begins his new life with God.

As difficult as it sometimes is, go out in life with joy and be led forth with peace. Life is a marathon.

Praise You in This Storm

(Casting Crowns)

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

The marathon is the perfect storm. The storm takes place internally, externally, physically and mentally. It is concentrated in those 26.2 miles from the first step beyond the start to the last step at the finish. Some could argue that the storm starts months earlier during training and intensifies throughout the marathon. Since I run so many marathons a year, the storm to me takes place during those 26.2 miles. What does the storm consist of? The storm internally relates to the functioning of the body itself – the physiology to be exact. Did I eat enough carbohydrates and hydrate well enough to stockpile the glycogen stores? Will my digestive system work efficiently? If and when will it shut down? Will my breathing and lung capacity be right? Will my heart handle the stress that I ask to be placed upon it? These questions relate to the internal storm and can be minimized through training. However, no training completely calms this storm. The external storm relates to the conditions, most of which are out of your control. By picking a particular marathon at a particular time of year and in a particular place you can attempt to control the external storm but not entirely. The weather is what it is and you get what you get on marathon day and you don’t complain. All courses are different and some will give you a storm of challenges from hills to concrete from potholes of the urban jungle to potholes of Mother Nature (trails).

The physical demands of the storm emerge when the battle with the internal storm starts to become lost. The body passes through so many stages during a marathon. In essence, it is like the weather. If you don’t like how you are feeling, wait awhile and it will change. Unfortunately, the converse is also true. You may feel amazing physically but that too may change for the worse as a “thunderstorm” approaches with lightning, hail, rain and wind. What happens when you have a summer rain storm with the sun shining? A rainbow appears and it is beautiful. The colors are vibrant and it appears to lead nowhere and somewhere at the same time. This is the essence of the marathon’s physical storm. The mental storm may be the most difficult to weather. The mind can be a human’s worst enemy yet be one’s most supportive friend. The mind must “manage” all the other storms while enduring its own storm. I would argue that weathering the marathon storm is an exercise in mental perseverance and extending the calm before the storm throughout the marathon. The mind will allow you to drown or help you survive and this IS under your control.

I have approached my last two marathons (Houston and 2 weeks ago, Little Rock) with peace and relaxation. It is not to say that I don’t encounter the storm. I know that the storm will come all the same. However, by praising God in the storm, the calm and relaxed feelings I feel before the marathon (the calm before the storm) helps me weather the storm through Him.

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

The marathon is such a metaphor for life – life is also a storm. I don’t mean to minimize the intense storms that we encounter in life by comparing it to a marathon but it is representative of what we encounter in life. We must look to God to weather the storm of life. Although you may barely hear His whisper, He is with you always. He knows what you need to weather the storm. Learning this, I have a different approach to the marathon as well as life.

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away