Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Spirit of the Storm

There’s a spirit of a storm in my soul
A restlessness that I can’t seem to tame
Thunder and lightning follow everywhere I go
There’s a spirit of a storm in my soul.

I can't seem to write on here as consistently as I want. Sometimes I want to write but don't want others to read so I don't write. I keep it in my soul and between God and me. I have run two marathons since the last time I have written and now on the verge of my 3rd 50 mile run of the year. I am seeking revenge on the JFK which I did not finish last year. Not finishing has been like a spirit of a storm - just one of many in my soul. I can't tame the restlessness and need to get back out on the road and trail to feel alive, to experience the emotional and physical pain in hopes of taming the restless lion. Marathons help but ultras take me beyond my reasonable limits. I am at sea and the storm rages. A vessel out of control.

There’s a hurricane that’s raging through my blood
I can’t find a way to calm the sea
Maybe I’ll find someday the waters aren’t so rushed
Right now they’ve got the best of me
And oh, it’s been a long, long time
Since I had real peace of mind
So I’m just going to "run" right here
"On" this old "mountain trail" till this storm rolls by.

Running brings me peace of mind. The blood rushing through my body with each accelerated heartbeat is a category 5, yet is as calm as the morning of the first, unspoiled winter snow. How absurdly opposing! I would run the trail forever if it was enough time for the storm to roll by.

Oh, maybe it’s just the way I am
Maybe I won’t ever change
So I’m just going to "run" right here
"On" this old "canal" and just soak up the rain.

The run will be over and I will still be the same but changed for those brief 11 hours. I'll run right here, where I am, with the sun, wind, and cold with the rest of the named storms. Few people in their right minds would run 50 miles, let alone 100 miles. I am not in my right mind and it won't ever change.

There’s a spirit of a storm in my soul
Every time I think it’s gone away
Dark clouds gather, that old wind begins to blow
The sun’s going to shine someday I hope
There’s a spirit of a storm in my soul, in my soul.

I will wait for the sun to shine and for God to shed his light. The storm will still rage, never to be diminished for the run that could be or should have been. "It" is in my soul, in my soul.