Thursday, November 23, 2006

Brighter Days

If I live till I die, will I be justly rewarded
If I sleep till I wake, will I remember the dream
If I lie to myself, will I have something to believe in
If I face my fears, will I know what they mean

Long for brighter days far behind me
Before my life was just a haze
When love was still inside me

If I find myself, tell me will I lose me to others
If I hang my head, will I feel the spirit of my mother
If I bury my face, will I uncover the truth
If I slow my pace, will the past gain on me

I was wrong to a degree. The JFK 50 Mile was not a matter of life and death. Life itself is a matter of life and death. The JFK 50 mile was a "fun" adventure and a wonderful way to spend 11 hours and 8 minutes. I learned a lot about running 50 miles but I learned more about what comes from running 50 miles. I learned what it means to have friends and family. I learned more about the ultra-running community. When one person falls, five stop to see if they are not injured. I learned about defying age - not mine but others' who are much older. I learned about the intricacies of the physiology of the body before during and after such an event. I also learned that most people, runners and non-runners alike, cannot comprehend running 50 miles. I learned to have a faith in God or I should say a continuing faith in God. I learned that I WANT to run more ultras but also that a truly run marathon is equally rewarding. I learned that life is not just about running. I learned that anyone can "run" 50 miles but a small minutia of people ever will. I learned that there are much harder things in life. I learned that as much as I was alone, I wasn't. I learned that each step forward moves you forward. I learned that it might be harder to crew than to run. I learned that the start is much more exciting than the finish. At the start, the journey lies ahead of you but it lies behind you at the finish and the enjoyment is in the journey. I learned to learn. There is much more and as I continue to reflect, I will continue to share.

Friday, November 17, 2006

The Essence

…In an ultra, the limits of the body and mind are pushed to a point where you don’t know if you will live or die. The physiology of the body, and thus God, will determine this. The mind knows that this is a distinct possibility yet it continues to wage war on the body. The body rebels but the mind constantly recalibrates itself to comfort the body in any way possible. The pain does not lessen but the mind compensates as to how it reacts to the pain. The pain can actually be moved around so it is not so pronounced in any particular area. Pain has to be isolated for this reason. Comprehensive pain cannot become so overwhelming that it deters forward progress. In essence, the ultra is a perfect dichotomous event. You are doing good for your mind and body yet putting yourself at risk in doing so. It is being active in an inactive world.

The ulra is whole-heartedly respected yet approached with ease; yet this is not to be confused with it being easy. It is something that I WANT to do and not what I HAVE to do or what someone is telling me to do. I WANT to go out and run this far. I WANT to feel the pain. I WANT to be challenged mentally and physically for no other reason than to feel alive and put myself on the edge.

Tomorrow is the JFK 50 Miler and my first ultra beyond the 50K. Afterwards, maybe my thoughts will be different but somehow, I don’t so…

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Who Is This Person

"... Perhaps the genius of ultra running is its supreme lack of utility. It makes no sense in a world of space ships and supercomputers to run vast distances on foot. There is no money in it and no fame, frequently not even the approval of peers. But as poets, apostles and philosophers have insisted from the dawn of time, there is more to life than logic and common sense. The ultra runners know this instinctively. And they know something else that is lost on the sedentary. They understand, perhaps better than anyone that the doors to the spirit will swing open with physical effort. In running such long and taxing distances they answer a call from the deepest realms of their being -- a call that asks who they are ..."

David Blaikie
Owner/Operator of www.ultramarathonworld.com

As I prepare for the JFK 50 Miler in two weeks, a venture (or shall I say "adventure") into uncharted territory, this quote continues to weigh on my mind. I would not so naievely beleive that after two 50K's that I am even remotely an ultrarunner. I guess the promise to find out "who I am" compels me to challenge this distance. Maybe I have already determined that I don't like who I am and the 50 miler will help me find another person. Will it be this 50 miler, another or maybe even a 100 miler? Is it not in the miles at all? When will I find that person?

Thursday, November 02, 2006

In Me

'Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind you shine Your light on me
'Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that you want me
So I'll stand on Your Truth, and I'll fight with Your Strength
Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me

Casting Crowns - In Me

The Detroit FreePress/FlagStar Bank marathon was my 8th marathon/ultra of 2006. It was also my 4th marathon/ultra in the last 43 days. The Under Armour Baltimore marathon, just two weeks prior to Detroit, was a personal best with Detroit being my 3rd best. The 4 marathons/ultras in the last 6 weeks were run in 4 different states including Missouri, Pennsylvania, Maryland and Michigan. The 4 marathons/ultras ran in the spring were in Maryland, New Jersey, Ohio and West Virginia. I qualified for both silver and gold Marathon Maniac status. Not only was my personal best on a challenging course, but it was also the first and only marathon where I ran under 9 minutes every mile of the marathon ranging from 8:23 to 8:58 averaging 8:41. I also realize that these efforts still make me a quarter-pack to mid-pack runner. I am proud of the accomplishments but argue that they are nothing special.

In Detroit, I ran past a young man sitting in his wheel chair. As I casually glided by, I got tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. For that brief moment, his blank stare allowed me to permeate his mind and feel inside his heart. How nice it would be if he could be out there running like the rest of us. That image reappeared throughout the marathon. How lucky I was to be doing what I was doing.

I argue that my accomplishments are nothing special because of the stories of others who overcome tremendous challenges are more inspiring than anything that I could ever do: the people who overcame addictions of smoking, drugs and alcohol; people who participate in the physically challenged divisions; people who have lost 50, 100, 150 pounds and turned a sedentary lifestyle into something active; people who have suffered from abuse and intolerance; people who have fought diseases like cancer and have won or are winning; people who have felt premature loss of those close to them; people who have been depressed and suicidal; people who have felt depleted of life. The reasons for running, stories of those runners and the examples of success can go on forever. These are the people that are doing something special – not me. I would also argue that people in general, not just runners, who have overcome these challenges, are much more courageous and brave than I have ever been. Although I believe that running or an active lifestyle changes an outlook on life, I believe it is more important to have a passion for something. Passion is what drives life whether it is for the people in your life, the work that your do, the beliefs that you have, the hobbies that you pursue, whatever it is, find the passion.

I find myself running for the strength of others. With each run and especially challenging and taxing runs like marathons and ultras, I ask God to take the strength that I am expelling from my mind and body and give it to those in need. This was the purpose of my nine marathons/ultras in 2006. People are dealing with much more in life than trying to get through 3, 5, 10, 13, 26, 31, 50 or 100 miles. Obviously, I am not diminishing the challenges and accomplishments of those who do because many of those who do are doing it to overcome the external challenges in life. However, as existential as it sounds, I hope that my strength is shared among others – runners and non-runners alike – and that God does take the strength coming from my mind and body and gives it to those in need.